In India my favourite TV adverts at the moment are Orbit white ones. There has been a series of them all featuring the same guy who uses his expert knowledge to prove that this chewing gum makes the teeth of various bovine white as chalk. So I thought I’d share one on here. Listen out for “yellow, yellow, dirty fellow” at the end. Love it…

Adverts, Media, India | 1 Comment »

Our guest ranter, Mr Mark Jones, seems to have nothing better to do than wax lyrical about the British media these days. He has become somewhat disillusioned with the way they behave and the quality of news they share with the general public in recent times. But if that motivates him to keep on writing stuff like this then long may it continue…

Last week saw Sir Paul McCartney’s soon to be ex wife, Heather Mills, appear on British television accusing tabloid newspapers of hounding her, and generally making her life a misery. Another point that Heather made was to accuse Journalists of making things up, mostly in regard to her impending divorce case with Sir Paul McCartney.

In the eyes of the British media, Heather Mills is a liar, a gold digger and a self publicist all rolled into one. In daily columns, British journalists have vented their anger at Heather’s antics, stern words appearing every day with new slants and new accusations. This fevered anger had been growing stronger by the day. Heather Mills had kept quiet and was only seen in paparazzi photos exiting countless airports to pursue her media career, which up to this point had included a stint on an American dance television show.

It seems that the mounting pressure and criticism pushed Heather over the edge, and on England’s favourite breakfast programme known as GMTV, she decided to vent her spleen. She accused the British tabloids of lying, and of inventing huge sums of money which she claims she has not demanded from Sir Paul McCartney. Heather rounded off the interview by stating that in the following days to come, the tabloids would increase their hate campaign against her. The general consensus among the public was that Heather Mills had played right into the hands of the tabloids and made a show of herself.

But had she?

The following morning after her exclusive interview, GMTV invited one journalist who has an intense dislike of Heather Mills into their studio to vent her anger at Heather’s rant. In the eyes of non biased British journalism - was there also a guest there to defend Heather’s complaint?

No.

The same bias occurred on the BBC’s breakfast programme where another tabloid journalist attacked Heather Mills with equal vigour. Once again there was not another panelist there to defend the complaints from Miss Mills. The weekend newspapers were equally scathing in their review of her actions “How dare you criticise us about criticising you” was the general consensus. This was topped off with the usual unflattering photographs of their enemy. When looking at the whole picture, it may seem likely to some that the media had played into Heather Mills’s hands.

In the following days, polls suggested that a large slice of the British population had begun to see eye to eye with the gold digger/liar/self publicist. I must admit I felt the British Media were acting like a mafia. Not one journalist suggested or considered what the incident was incurring on the individual involved. That would be what the mafia call an ‘Omerta’. Journalists it seems were covering each others backs. Perhaps it was the feeling that someone like Heather Mills could inflict damage to them, and more importantly their viewing and sales figures.

The general impression this incident gave of British journalism is not one I would like to see repeated. It may be true that Heather Mills is a gold digger and a self publicist (would she be the first?) but her treatment has resembled that handed out to society’s worst criminals such as murderers and rapists. Another cause for concern is the rise of the ‘Indoor Journalist’ as I like to call them. Many newspapers in Britain now feature columns run by celebrities who want to give us their unique view on the lives of other celebrities. Their comments are usually critical and scathing, but their articles are also turgid beyond belief. I can only imagine that their idea of journalism is to write a few sketchy articles (normally devoid of fact) while sat at home with a coffee, squeezed in-between their busy presenting career or whatever else they are supposed to be doing.

Meanwhile up and down the land, journalists of a better calibre are driving to and fro around the country, perhaps in other parts of the world conducting interviews, collecting facts, assessing the atmosphere, only to find that their articles are rejected in favor of the growing number of celeb journos who feel it is their duty to give us their thoughts on the private lives of other celebs (usually no mark red carpet walkers).

Am I defending Heather Mills? Not particularly, but her situation has highlighted a growing concern that is affecting British newspapers: they are becoming out of touch with the people of Britain. They must remember that they are dealing with a new, techno savvy generation who will not be fooled by manipulative photographs, or the building up and pulling down of celebrities (an activity that is becoming very tiresome). They would do well to rethink their strategies and to take a closer look at their own print. If they do not, then in this world of internet journalism they will not survive.

Mark Jones

Media, Thoughts, Life | 1 Comment »

Don’t worry. We are not going through a psychological period of confusion about our self worth as the title might suggest. And we are not turning into schizophrenics. Even though my continual use of the plural first person might imply otherwise. However, half of Stevie Wonder’s Driving School is starting to get a little anxious. Generally preparations for the Rickshaw Run have been going well. The entry fee has been paid; the paperwork has been sent off; 26% of the funds have been raised; we have looked at a list of stuff we might need; and have glanced at a big map of India. What more can possibly need to be done at this stage??

Well, in the current state of play, 1 of our team members will be attempting to enter Nepal using an expired sports club membership card and a couple of hundred Rupees as baksheesh. This does not mean we are awaiting the legendary efficiency of the Indian government authorities to return a passport. No. It means that the necessary bumf required to acquire such a document has not yet even been placed into their oh-so-capable hands.

I’d love nothing better than to whinge about the bureaucracy of the powers that be and complain that they are not pulling their fingers out. But no doubt I will be able to do that once the paperwork has been sent off to them. I remember a fine, sunny day back in September, when Miss Kehar informed me that she had spent the afternoon completing her passport form. Overjoyed was I to hear this news. Yet, since that day, something has prevented her from taking the next step of placing the sheets of paper in an envelope and dropping it through a letter box.

Of course, everything will be fine, and her passport will surely be ready in the nick of time. But Megha would not be Megha unless she left it ‘til the very last minute and ended up making both herself and me panic.

Adventure, Rickshaw Run, Life, Travel, India | 3 Comments »

We like our music, we do. So it would be irresponsible, if not slightly rude, to keep certain tracks to ourselves. Although it’s not possible to include every good tune we come across in this blog, we thought it might be nice to share at least one good thing that we hear every week. We’re not going to be writing reviews – that is reserved for Megha’s Laidbackness blog. Instead we’ll just post the track up here and tell you that we like it. It might be old, it might be new, it might be covered and it might be blue (for the dads). But whatever it is we hope you enjoy it.

As we mentioned before, this is not a review. However, during the 10 second drum intro, just close your eyes and let the anticipation build. Because when the guitar kicks in with what is seemingly a simple 3 chord sequence it is just awesome – especially after you’ve heard it already, so you know what is coming. And the lyrics, well they just speak for themselves.

Enjoy….

Music | No Comments »

Here at Control Wee there is the philosophy, ‘if someone else wants to do the work for you, then why not let them’. Although we enjoy writing, we are more than happy to publish the rants of others. Delegation, management gurus will tell you, is a key leadership tool. And so we are going to use it whenever possible.

Mark Jones, a friend of CW, has kindly written a post for us. It speaks for itself, so needs no further introduction. Thanks Mark.

I was reading a newspaper article the other night that, once again, was widely condemning the British Broadcasting Corporation.

In another corner of the room, my housemate was leaning forward, his hands were tightly gripping a controller for the Xbox 360, and a look of intense concentration was etched across his face.

For anyone who does not know what an Xbox is: it is Bill Gates latest attempt to dominate the living room space with a next generation games machine.

For entertainment purposes, we also have a Sky television box, a computer and a DVD player with a wide selection of titles. My housemate, whom I shall call Mr X, has spent most of his free time sat at the Xbox, nigh on worshipping its addictive capabilities. Very capable it is too: you can now play poker, chess or any other game with anyone in the world. The small white box, which bears a passing resemblance to the obelisk in 2001, is considered to be the future of entertainment.

The Skybox, DVD player, and most prominently the five main terrestrial television channels are becoming less attractive (and less used) by the minute. Is the Xbox really that great. Or are Sky television et al severely lacking?

Now, back to that newspaper article. It details in length the excessive salaries paid to the BBC staff, taxi cab fairs which would seem excessive even to Caligula, and a general feeling that the BBC treats the licence fee payers with contempt. The words ‘Gravy’ and ‘Train’ are used several times in the article. There is also mention of the competition scandal involving the programme ‘Blue Peter’. Apparently a competition was organised which involved children voting for a name which would be appointed to a Blue Peter cat. The makers of Blue Peter (all fully grown adults) decided against the name chosen by the children, and chose a name they had concocted themselves.

From this you might assume that they had to change the name as the winning moniker was racist or somehow not politically correct. Well, actually, they just felt their name was better. So, yes, fully-grown adults defrauded children. Sad isn’t it?

The newspaper article concludes by stating that morale at the BBC is at an all time low, and that there may be strikes due to staff cutbacks. The cutbacks are needed as apparently the BBC overestimated the amount of money it would receive from the Government (something about spending money before it is in the bank anyone?). There is no mention in the article of how the BBC’s problems can be fixed. You must remember that a lot of journalists highlight problems; they do not suggest how they may be solved.

It might seem that I have a serious gripe with the BBC and that nothing would give me more pleasure than to see them out of business. But this isn’t true.

I admire and love the BBC. I grew up with it and regard it as a friend who taught me about the world, entertained me, and crusaded for peoples’ rights, whether they were in the UK or another continent.

However, something has gone wrong at the BBC of late. It has become a flabby, uncouth old man who is out of touch with modern Britain. It resembles a bullied and confused employee, when it should be the assertive and on-the-ball employer.

Rather than just mouthing off I’ll list my own recent gripes with the BBC now. I’ll even suggest some solutions – I am a licence fee payer after all.

BBC Radio 4

First things first, kick out all those smug useless Oxbridge graduates who have been nowhere and done nothing. Many of them are at the BBC only because of their University connections. Their whimsical reports about how they went to Italy when they were sixteen to get an ice cream are irrelevant, lazy and unimaginative. Get them out and about and tell us what is going on in the world today. Allow them to keep their raspberry-coated boring tales of youth to themselves. Where is the new Alistair Cook? Where is the new John Simpson?

BBC News

I want to see news reporters who look like they have seen some action, not pretty boys with perfect hair or celebrity dolly birds who would look more at home in an issue of ‘Hello’ magazine. Can the BBC not revolve their foreign correspondents and have them cover the news desk once in a while?

While you’re at it, some good news would be a plus. Have you asked people why they have stopped watching news bulletins? Could it be they find the programme content depressing? By good news I don’t mean Paris Hilton’s latest fashion folly or a plug for someone’s book or album. I mean stories about people who are out there doing good for their community, or trying to inspire those around them – go out and find them!

BBC Three and Four, BBC News 24

Scrap them now. They are out of touch, lazy and both about as cutting edge as a spoon. “These are great original services which represent the future of digital broadcasting” the BBC insists on telling us. Since when was putting ‘Rambo: First Blood part two’ on every night of the week original?

Newsnight and Top Gear

Don’t you dare make any changes to these two programmes. You are lucky to have them and they are the only two shows the public like. If anything you should scrap a lot of your new services to increase the budgets of these two programmes.

Digital radio shows

Scrap these. They are a waste of the licence fee and the money would be better spent elsewhere.

BBC web pages

Your BBC news page is the best on the internet and should be expanded. Please don’t waste any money on ‘niche’ web sites that are pompous and irrelevant.

Documentary cut backs

Don’t do it! Shut down your digital television and radio channels – it is time to put your house in order.

Star Power and Star Salaries

Here is the answer to your most publicised problem: YOU the BBC are the employer!

You should not be dictated to by stars or their agents: these people should be bloody grateful you gave them a job. Working for the BBC is an honour and a major boost for anyone’s career. Stars do not guarantee an audience; a quality programme will get a good audience every time. Remember your adaptation of ‘Pride and Prejudice’ back in 1996? For me it was your finest hour. Was it full of bloated, overpaid stars? No it wasn’t. Good material should come first before you start to bend over for star’s salaries. Start with established and popular material such as classic books or reinventions of popular programmes.

On the subject of bloated, we (your audience) are sick and tired of those dinosaurs you keep overpaying. Their eyes are glazed from all the free booze and their waistlines are straining from all the business lunches. Many of them are unkempt, unshaven and nearly as big as the couches they are sat on. Make them walk to work before you pay hundreds of pounds to have them carted up and down the country in a taxi.

There is an argument to say there isn’t any new talent our there. I totally disagree with this. I’m no daytime TV fan, but I think you’ve found a good presenter in Dominic Littlewood. This is a guy who was a used car salesman and has had no formal television training, but he has more charisma in his big toe than many of your RADA trained planks.

There are natural characters working on markets, driving taxis, and fixing boilers. Why don’t you have an X Factor show based on finding new presenters? You want lean and hungry people who will be grateful for the opportunity and won’t demand earth-shattering salaries.

It seems the BBC worries that they would lose their audience if the ‘stars’ left them. How many ‘stars’ leave television shows and end up coming right back? This happens because the programme was bigger than they were. Dragon’s Den has succeeded because of its formula, not its ‘stars’.

So what should the BBC do? Why not install someone radical or generally different? Wouldn’t it be great to see a boardroom full of people who are difficult, blunt, can criticise and most importantly: know what they’re talking about. It would be great to see John Simpson, Jeremy Clarkson, Jeremy Paxman, and anyone else who is either eccentric or has openly criticised the BBC, calling the shots. At the moment they have too many cooks in management, their indifference and the meals they are serving taste rotten.

Also, the BBC should start accepting criticism. BBC employees who criticise their employer should not be told to keep it to themselves. They should be listened to. Why not even have an internal debate about the future?

Conclusion

The BBC are in a period of illness, but there is a cure and the sooner they take their medicine the better. I wish them all the best and hope I see them in good health soon. I hope the BBC starts to listen to what their public says, and most importantly remembers that they are the boss.

Mark Jones

Media, Thoughts | 4 Comments »

We’ve been doing some really serious planning for the Rickshaw Run thing lately.

——————————————————————————————

Megha: On Diwali and Holi, I am a kid on steroids

Andy: I was a kid at Holi, kitted out with full gun and ammunition

Andy: but last night I was the mature onlooker

Andy: that’s something we should get for our Rickshaw Run auto — a super soaker

Megha: Yes!

Megha: Let’s get a super soaker

Andy: not sure who we’d fire it at?

Andy: any little shits who give us grief I suppose

Megha: and bystanders

Megha: and traffic cops

Megha: and YOU!

Megha: and Naxalites in Bihar

Megha: that’ll scare them away

Andy: their automatic machine guns will be no match for the rapid squirt of water that we will emit

Megha: Of course not. Even thinking that it will be is foolhardiness and not optimism on their part.

——————————————————————————————

Sorted. We are packing the Super Soaker with the rest of our luggage

Words, Rickshaw Run, Adventure, Thoughts, Life, India, Travel, Uncategorized | No Comments »

It’s official.

In January 2008, Andy and I are going to be taking the risk of our lives.

We’ll be driving across the length of India right to the mountains in Nepal, in the lamest, most fragile and most breakdown-prone piece of engineering ever made here — the great Indian auto-rickshaw. And this is all for a noble cause — charity.

We need to raise at least a £1000 for the world famous charity org Mercy Corps before this 15-day-long odyssey. We’ll be trying to avoid cutting ourselves open, breaking our heads or crashing into oncoming trucks or a tree or a dog because dogs are nice. We might even have to slay pythons, manoeuvre our way around a mud slide, hang from a cliff until help comes by and all that jazz — all while driving on not so particularly nice Indian roads.

The least you can do is help by donating towards this cause. You may do so by clicking on the widget on the side or here. You can pay as little or as much as you like. We’d be more than thankful. In exchange if you’d like us to stick a picture or spray paint your name or a message for a loved one on our auto or anything crazy, we’d love to do that. We are open to ideas.

Here’s what the awe-inspiring auto-rickshaw and our team logo look like.

Yeah, we’re calling ourselves Stevie Wonder’s Driving School. Some people think it’s clever.

 

Starting from Kochi in south India, we’ll be driving up north, right through the central Indian plateau area and all the way up to the mountains until we cross into Nepal. Since all the teams taking part in this charity race organised by the TheAdventurists.com are free to take any route that they desire, the approximate distance that we are looking at covering within a span of 15 days is at least 4,500 km.

The tentative routes that a lot of people are planning to take are:

If you’d like to get more information on this wicked race and our charity ambitions before you finally click on the ‘PAY’ button, you may directly contact us here: controlwee@gmail.com

 

Rickshaw Run, Sport, Life, Travel, India | No Comments »

Since being in India I have been lazy. In the last 8 months I have only learnt a few words and phrases in Hindi. This is pathetic considering I face a constant struggle communicating with shopkeepers and locals every day. Parts of Delhi have a high proportion of competent English speakers, but Laxmi Nagar is certainly not one of them. So there is no doubt that a knowledge of the language would be particularly beneficial in my current situation. But what do I do instead? I chat to people on messenger; I answer stupid quizzes on Facebook; I download music and re-name my audio files; I watch old episodes of Lost. In fact I do anything which involves not acquiring a new skill.

Similarly, this apathetic attitude has been present in my lack of physical activity. There are no sports facilities near where I live. However, I know that I could easily jump in an auto-rickshaw and be at a decent gym or sports centre within 20 minutes.

So it was that after 6 months of sitting on my arse, entertaining myself in my bedroom, I took some action. I added myself to the Delhi Street Football group on a certain ‘social networking’ website. To my surprise, within a few weeks, someone had invited me to join their team and play in a 7-a-side tournament.

Joining an Internet-based group that involved talk of legging it around a field after a pig’s bladder had been a big step for me, so actually leaving my flat and doing it was a massive mental and physical leap. Somehow I managed to talk myself into the idea and found myself stood outside Jawaharlal Nehru Stadium at 3.30 last Saturday afternoon. Amazingly, my contact was there before me with a couple of his friends and the ‘coach’.

It is rare that anyone native to India arrives before me to any kind of social meeting, so I immediately became optimistic that this would be a well run, efficiently organised team. The training session began and an hour later the 5 of us were still stood in a circle passing the ball to one another, with no sign of anyone else turning up. When I suggested that we might want to vary things a bit by using a goal they all seemed surprised, but went along with this strange idea. Throughout this training session ‘coach’ had been sat on a chair under an umbrella to shield himself from the sun, while sipping cold drinks and chatting to the people around him. He was too far away to see what we were doing and made no attempt to communicate with us at all.

A little while later a couple more people turned up, which gave us a team of 7. Suddenly someone realised that we wouldn’t be able to have a game of 7 a-side football with just one team. It was then that they decided to take the ‘initiative’ and ask some other guys hanging around if they would form a team to play against us. So, almost 2 hours after we were supposed to start playing, a game finally got underway.

A few minutes after kick off ‘coach’ decided to amble over and sit himself comfortably somewhere near the sidelines. But he still didn’t feel motivated to say a word to any of the players for the duration of, or after, the match. His laidback approach tended to mirror the organisation of the team on the pitch. As anyone who is mildly interested in football will know, if everyone on your team chases after the ball, as well as being extremely tiring, it is not tactically effective. All the players on my team loved to run forwards and attack, but as soon as the opposition won the ball from them it was amazing how quickly their energy drained away. Thus leaving muggings here to try and prevent 4 marauding attackers from penetrating our leaky defences.

Now and again, on their sweeping runs forward, the other team actually missed the target instead of scoring, and gave us a goal kick. But what use is having the ball if you are going to just kick it as hard as possible without any direction every time!? I screamed and I shouted, but still the goalkeeper booted it with all his might, as if he was trying to show off, instead of passing it to one of his own players; and still my team mates continued to gambol forward enthusiastically and limp back lackadaisically.

I must admit I thoroughly enjoyed this game of footy – my first for many months. The blokes on both teams were nice guys and I look forward to next time. After all, what is football if you can’t shout at your team mates, run around like a headless chicken and generally let off steam?

Sport, India | No Comments »